laziness (n): when even making cereal is considered too much effort.
why do rappers brag about “what you made in a year, I blew in a week”? Are they proud of bad finance management skills?
You all know that tickets for The Information @ The Edinburgh Fringe are on sale, yeah? In case you don’t:
WHAT: Mark Watson - The Information.
WHEN: 1-27 August 2012 - 7:40PM.
WHERE: George Square Theatre, Edinbrugh.
COST: £7.50 - £15.
Tickets. Box Office - 0131 226 0000.
Full list of dates [here].
WHY AM I NOT THERE?????
“We’re big and formal,” said the presenter at New Employee Orientation, “but we’re also weird and quirky. So if you’re weird and quirky, you’ll fit right in.” I looked down around at the plastic eggs of silly putty on each seat and thought to myself “Yeah. I think I’ll fit in just fine.”
- I think everybody should have their very own little button for when they are sad
- And when they press it
- A balloon should come down from the sky
- With a basket of kittens and fluffy fanfiction of their OTP
- And then they won’t be sad anymore
- I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
- We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
- A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
- The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
- Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
- Me: I should do math.
- Me: Holy god look at these problems
- Me: The army doesnt need guns
- Me: They need algebra textbooks
- Army: WE WILL MAKE YOU MULTIPLY FRACTIONS
- Enemy: SWEET JESUS WE SURRENDER